<![CDATA[Karen E. Lee - Author - Karen\'s Blog]]>Mon, 01 Apr 2024 03:12:37 -0600Weebly<![CDATA[Writing a Memoir - Whose Story is it Anyway?]]>Sat, 27 Jan 2024 17:48:31 GMThttp://karenelee-author.com/karens-blog/writing-a-memoir-whose-story-is-it-anywayDo memoirists have the right to tell the story they want to? Some memoirists argue that if people didn't want to be written about, they shouldn't have done the things they did. Other writers change or soften the bits about others in their memoir, either out of a desire not to hurt someone, or out of confusion about what their own story is.

Some warn that we should just tell our own stories, that the stories of others, be they siblings, parents or neighbours, should be left out. I waited until my parents had passed before I started researching the abuse that happened in my village school and the role my parents played in that incident. My second husband died before I wrote the memoir of our marriage (The Full Catastrophe).

Recently I found myself in a dilemma - can I write about the impact on me of having two adopted siblings and an adopted aunt? One person said I cannot write about this - it is their story, not mine. But what about my experience and reactions - are they mine to tell?

I think of families, and communities, and the whole of humankind as a hand-knitted sweater. Strands of yarn become one entity through the process of being woven together. Before that unifying undertaking, the strands are individuals. Depending on how tightly the sweater is knitted and how old the garment is, if you unravel it, the individual strands will be kinked or bent - holding the history of once having been knitted together. If you tell the story of only one strand, it won't be a complete story - you won't see that it was once part of a whole sweater - a whole story.

As I contemplate this, I think about memoir. I see strands - the other lives that interconnect with ours - as integral parts of our own story. We are affected by our parents' choices, their mental health, and their actions. How do those who have been abused tell their story without writing about the perpetrator? In Melissa Cistaro's memoir, Pieces of My Mother, she showed how her life was shaped by her mother's desertion. Her story would be mysterious and possibly incomprehensible if she wrote about the events in her
own life without that important fact. Her mother's actions were integral to her story. Equally, Jeannette Walls' book, "The Glass Castle", or Tara Westover's memoir "educated", would be meaningless without the descriptions of their respective parents' dysfunction. How can our memoir make sense without the stories of others? Does our sweater hold together without all the strands that have been knitted into it?

Some of us are tightly knitted into our biological family, our marital family, or our cultural family; some of us are more loosely knitted. Strands enter and leave our lives - sweaters - through births, adoptions, friendships, marriages, divorces, and deaths. If we don't make note of our individual experiences, our stories will be difficult to understand. But where does our story start and where does it end? Where is the boundary? Is there one?

Perhaps it is how we write our stories, not whom we write about. This is the advantage of "show don't tell." We should strive to show the involvement of others in our lives as it occurred - without assumptions. They are part of our story, so remembering this keeps us from pulling out our strands and trying to make sense of them in isolation. It also permits us to write about others when their story helps to make sense of ours.]]><![CDATA[Tales from a Country Village (working title) - a new manuscript]]>Thu, 08 Apr 2021 21:18:09 GMThttp://karenelee-author.com/karens-blog/tales-from-a-country-village-working-title-a-new-manuscript
Picture
The village I grew up in had a secret - a secret everybody knew but didn't do anything about. Above are both a modern and old picture of the school I went to as a young child - built about 1860. This is Leskard SS #15 Clarke, the original two room school in our Southern Ontario village, about fifty miles east of Toronto.
My latest work is a history of the village, the school, the villagers, the culture of rural Southern Ontario in the 50s and 60s, and the laws of the time. My new work is a combination of memoir, the reporting of eye witness accounts, research into the characteristics of pedophiles, the culture of Ontario rural villages. It is an exploration of how lightly child abuse was dealt with at that time.
]]><![CDATA[The Importance of Memoir: An exploration of time, place and memory]]>Sat, 17 Aug 2019 15:19:29 GMThttp://karenelee-author.com/karens-blog/the-importance-of-memoir-an-exploration-of-time-place-and-memoryThis blog entry is the reprint of my article in WestWord Magazine, the Magazine of the Writers' Guild of Alberta
 
“Memoirists are not just creative writers; like historians, they describe real events. Memoirists are lay historians who … set out to construct lucid, defensible narratives about the past. Like their professional counterparts, memoirists tell their stories from various philosophical perspectives, which influence the stories they tell...Memoirs give us partial access to a past reality.” (JensenWallach)  

The challenges faced in life are partially due to or are affected by the fact that we live in a certain time and place – this is the ground each memoir stands on.

Toronto-based Holocaust survivor Max Eisen’s memoir By Chance Alone, won the CBC Canada Reads contest for 2019. He is Jewish and lived in Europe during the Second World War and the rise of Hitler  – a victim of the evil generated at that particular time and place in history. Many memoirs have been written about the Holocaust, including The Nazi Officer’s Wife, The Last Jew of Treblinka, Woman in Gold, Anne Frank – the Diary of a Young Girl, and each one tells the history of a time and place, but from different points of view. All are necessary to give readers a more complete picture of what happened during the war. Each is a piece of the whole puzzle.

Every memoir has the underlying theme of metamorphosis, healing or change in one’s attitude or understanding. It is not just a reiteration of events, but rather a story of circumstances that led the author on a journey of transformation initiated by a challenge. A good memoir contains reflection on who the author was while the upsetting events were occurring and who the author is now. A discussion over time.
We are the product of many influences – our parents’ child rearing methods, their education, values, emotional and physical health, our own health and nutrition, schooling, religion, ethnic origin and social milieu. All of these are influenced by the time and place in which we live. When and where we live has a huge impact on our lives. If you grew up in a middle-class home in Canada in the 1950s, you were in the midst of great social change. Gender expectations were changing, the women’s movement building on the contribution women made during the war and the unhappiness of many unfulfilled housewives who were asked to resume traditional gender roles after the war. Along with the promise of new technology, there were people still recovering from the effects of the war, the ongoing cold war and the build-up of nuclear weapons. There were prejudice and intolerance, few methods of dealing with psychological issues, and the rule in many households that children should be “seen but not heard.” In this atmosphere, child abuse, sexual and domestic abuse, racism, depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress were often swept under the carpet – or dealt with by drugs and alcohol. Those who grew up in those years had different influences and thus a different story to tell than those who lived through the war years or those growing up now. Though the individual stories and struggles are different, memoirs set in that time are part of the entire picture of that time and place.

The human challenge to go beyond survival and live a life of fulfillment and integrity never changes, but the environment in which we live makes the life journey different for all of us. In Canada, awareness of sexual and domestic abuse is much greater now than in the past. There are shelters for those affected by domestic violence and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are widespread. These issues are not solved, but the awareness and understanding of them has increased. However, in many places in the world, individuals are still fighting to be heard because discrimination, and sexual and domestic abuse are not being addressed. Memoirs written at the same time about the same issue in different countries give a more complete picture of the world situation.

I lived through a marriage in which my husband was controlling and ultimately abusive. I did heal but I didn’t know why an intelligent, well-educated woman ended up in that situation. I wanted to figure this all out, to answer the question for myself, to “connect the dots” of my life. I decided to write a memoir.
I had written a non-fiction book, journal articles, history articles, and academic papers, but not memoir which is creative non-fiction. I looked for courses but there were none. I ordered a book about memoir writing – Tristine Rainer’s Your Life as Story – and it was excellent. I attended a fiction writing class, but decided it was not a good fit when someone in the class challenged a true account I’d written about an incident in my marriage. She said it was “not believable.” Writing a memoir of a very painful time in one’s life is doubly hard when you are criticized.

Writing my memoir, The Full Catastrophe, helped me to make sense of my life, past and present. After it was published, I decided to use my background as a teacher and retired clinical psychologist to teach all that I had learned while writing it. I proposed a course, “Memoir Writing for People with Difficult Stories to Tell,” to the Alexandra Writers’ Centre in Calgary. People come to the course with a desire to write a story from their lives. My three-part course is focused on the story they want to tell, writing skills, and self-care - no critiques. They get guidance, acceptance, and social support from the group. They have the freedom to write and tell out loud what they often have kept hidden - sometimes for decades.
Secrets are destructive. They are usually about things considered shameful. People learn to keep the secrets and hide their true feelings – and so often feel as though they themselves are shameful. The things families hide change with moral imperatives in society which are often dictated by time and place. Getting those secrets out is psychologically healthy and allows for the individual to heal and for social issues to be exposed.

A memoir is a story taken from one’s life, and is often about triumph or struggle. A memoir can have a universal theme like finding one’s identity. It can be based on a health issue like having cancer or an accomplishment like climbing Everest or founding a commune. A memoir can be about surviving war or disruption due to immigration. What better way to understand the difficult journey of moving from one culture to another and the journey to shed separateness than to read the memoir of someone who has gone through it.

During my years teaching memoir, I have learned to expect any and all stories of challenge in the lives of those who come to the course. I have been in awe of people’s courage as they write about facing demanding times to be transformed in their lives. Their stories and the memoirs they write are a cause for celebration – testaments to the human condition and to the bravery and endurance that many people have had to muster in order to live their lives to the fullest.

James Pennebaker of the University of Texas researched the healing power of writing about traumatic events. The anecdotal results showed that making sense of one’s life through writing reduces anxiety. But he also found that if people use their writing to better understand and learn from their emotions, it can boost the immune system.

Reading memoir is one of the best ways to learn what a time and place were really like - because in memoir the writer is constrained by the actual (Birkerts). Historical fiction is fiction set in a certain time and place. If an author has done thorough research, the era and setting may be accurately portrayed, but the memoir of someone who was actually present at the time gives the reader an “on the ground” look at a particular time and place.
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A memoir can be a window into another time. Details of time and place bring a memoir to life. Simple details like the candy bought at the corner store, local politicians, the names of comic books, the rural area or city in which the memoirists lived, the clothes they wore, laws, or world events place a memoir in a certain time in history. If memoirists can’t remember certain information, they can look it up online, in their local libraries or museums, and use those details as memory prompts. Music is a powerful memory prompt, so listening to the songs popular during a significant time may bring back details to add to the writing.
If you want your memoir to be relatable, and to have a universal appeal, write small – provide details of the incidents that are turning points in your memoir. Your memoir will be adding a piece of the puzzle to the history of a particular time and place.
 
Birkerts, Sven. (2008), The Art of Time in Memoir, Graywolf Press, Minneapolis, MN.
Pennebaker, James. (2016), Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions. Guilford Press, New York, NY.
 
Rainer, Tristine, (1997), Your Life as Story. Jeremy P. Tarcher, New York, NY.
Wallach, J.J. (2014), Remembering Jim Crow: the literary memoir as historical source material. University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA.
 
 
This article is reprinted from WestWord Magazine, Vol. 39, No. 3, July-September 2019
 
 
 ]]><![CDATA[Beginning a new Writing Project or, if you already have a book published, is the next one easier?]]>Fri, 13 Apr 2018 19:33:37 GMThttp://karenelee-author.com/karens-blog/beginning-a-new-writing-project-or-if-you-already-have-a-book-published-is-the-next-one-easierOf course, everyone's writing process is different. Some writers work on multiple projects at the same time. Some have some ideas or work "parked" while they do other writing. 

I started a new writing project about 4 months ago.  I thought - about a year ago - that I knew what my next project would be - an historical fiction piece based on the lives of my grandparents. While I know I will get around to writing that one - some day - the one where the energy is, writing about the village I grew up in, has raised its head and has all the energy at this time.

Someone recently asked me if I get writers' block. I have to answer "no" but I do have topics and projects that just don't have enough energy for me to concentrate on at this time.  I encourage my writing students to find the topic/subject that has that energy - that piece that calls to be written at this time. Then write.

First there is the period of research, collecting topics, writing vignettes that every project requires. Then I need concentrated time in which I am not distracted so that I can distil all the information into a coherent whole - a story.  Then I have to start to write in earnest - mapping out a time line for the characters, writing character sketches so that I know what is within the realm of possible decisions, emotions, actions of each character, thinking about the main struggle or conflict and how that will emerge.

All this takes time and energy - and each project is different in its emotional pull and challenge.  That is all part of the fascination of writing. So, it may not follow that if you have written one book the next will be easier.


]]><![CDATA[Blog write up by Rebekah Jonesy, Dec. 7, 2017]]>Tue, 16 Jan 2018 16:15:50 GMThttp://karenelee-author.com/karens-blog/blog-write-up-by-rebekah-jonesy-dec-7-2017
I want to thank Rebekah Jonesy for her honest and thoughtful review of The Full Catastrophe. She heard the message and was able to relate it to her own experiences - that is the reward for any author.
T

​o To kkeehttp://rebekahjonesy.blogspot.ca/2017/12/the-full-catastrophe.html 
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To keep this totally on the up and up, I'd like to admit that I received this book only yesterday morning. Seeing how long it was I realized that I was probably going to have to change my posting schedule a little bit and post the author interview of the book before reading the book and doing the review. But then I started reading. And this story was so compelling, so thought-provoking, and tugged at so many heartstrings that I could not stop reading. I wanted to. It reminded me too much of my first marriage, which ended in pain and misery and me being stalked for over 10 years. It was too much like reading my own diary. I'm writing this review now even though my emotions are still twisted up by the story. Page 132 hit me especially hard and after reading it I had to take a break and walk away. That only lasted for a few moments, I had to come back and see how it ended.

I like to say that I'm brave. That I face my fears. And if Karen Elizabeth Lee could muster up the courage not just to look back on her life, not just to write it all down, but to also write about her own faults so openly I could not look away. And I'm so glad I didn't.

This story is a memoir of a woman looking back at her two abusive relationships. You know that just by reading the blurb. So when the book starts out with a funeral and a woman mourning the death of her husband, it's so real it brings tears to your eyes. You, or at least I, assume that this would be her third husband. A man she loved who didn't abuse her. But a few pages in, you see that's not true.

Because as this book shows time and again you can love someone and still fear them. You can mourn someone and still be relieved that they are no longer in your life. And also that Hell is addictive and having it taken from you can destroy your life.

The author manages to write both emotionally and clearly. Showing her fears and struggles while refusing to look away or deny blame for her own mistakes as she lays it all out. That, more than anything, shows just how strong this woman has become after a lifetime of pain. I've  already suggested to a few female friends of mine that they should read this book. It wasn't written to be a self-help book, however I believe a lot of people, male and female, can learn something by reading this.

I highly recommend this book to everyone. Married, single, divorced, young, old, happily married or just "doing the right thing" and staying in their marriage for the sake of propriety. I recommend it for anyone that has ever thought this:

"Will I be able to handle the pain of his loss? Will I recover? Can I build a life of my own that is worthwhile without his support? Will I allow myself to stand alone, not controlled by my obsessive and desperate need for a man, any man, to help me?"


]]><![CDATA[What do you do after you write your book?]]>Wed, 15 Nov 2017 17:20:30 GMThttp://karenelee-author.com/karens-blog/what-do-you-do-after-you-write-your-bookThere is such a big build-up to writing a book and then having it published - it is a huge accomplishment. But considering why you wrote that book can determine where you go next after the book comes out.  Of course there are lots of marketing activities such as book signings, readings, interviews, podcasts and so on that make up part of your life at that point, but then the question is "What next?"

Is your book an "issue book" as mine is - about the issue of healing from domestic abuse, or as Shannon Moroney's book "Through the Glass" is - about the issue of what happens to a family when one of its members commits a crime or is it about dealing with child abuse, recovering from serious illness or having a mental illness?  If so, you may want your book to be your calling card - your statement to the world that you know your topic and want to educate others about the issue.  This can lead to speaking engagements, or being part of a panel or work group that helps to deal with the issue.

In my case, writing about my life was something I felt compelled to do. I love to write and I wanted to make sense of the things that had happened to me in my life.

But my original career had been giving courses, teaching, designing courses, and mentoring people.  After spending so much time learning to write my book in this, to me, new genre of creative non-fiction, I wanted to combine what I had learned with my former career - teaching.  In addition, I am a retired psychologist so the perfect fit for me is helping people write their difficult stories.

Take into consideration what your complete skill set is and then use it - maybe you simply want to keep on writing but maybe you have other talents and skills that would combine with writing, as I do.  ]]><![CDATA[Rowan House Shelter Fundraiser]]>Mon, 08 May 2017 19:09:27 GMThttp://karenelee-author.com/karens-blog/rowan-house-shelter-fundraiserPicture
This picture is of Sherrie Botten, Head of Rowan House Shelter in Okotoks, Alberta with the 2017 Stampede Princesses.  The event was an outstanding success with nearly 300 enthusiastic supporters in attendance.  There was great food, a silent auction and fiddlers. 
]]><![CDATA[Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" website and charity]]>Thu, 20 Apr 2017 20:08:26 GMThttp://karenelee-author.com/karens-blog/gloria-gaynors-i-will-survive-website-and-charityThis morning I listened to Gloria Gaynor interviewed on CBC Radio Q.  She spoke about her career and also about having been a survivor of sexual abuse. She has started the aptly named website, "I will Survive" that helps to support other people who have been sexually abused or are victims of domestic abuse.  What a wonderful cause for her to take up!  Here is my contribution to her page "Community": https://iwillsurvive.org/karen-l/]]><![CDATA[Real Writers Write in Coffee Shops]]>Sat, 08 Apr 2017 23:43:14 GMThttp://karenelee-author.com/karens-blog/real-writers-write-in-coffee-shopshttp://booksbywomen.org/real-writers-write-in-coffee-shops-by-karen-lee/
(reprinted from the website "Women Writers, Women's Books" April 5, 2017 (above link)
Natalie Goldberg states in her book, Writing Down the Bones, that it is essential for a writer to have a relationship with a coffee shop. The picture of the writer sitting in a coffee shop penning the next bestseller is ubiquitous. In fact, sitting here in a coffee shop, I can see at least two other people writing – one on her laptop and one in a notebook. The laptop woman is not answering her emails – I peeked as I walked by to make sure. The notebook man is not likely doing his shopping list as he just now, so carefully, placed his notebook and pen into his well-worn leather satchel. So, three writers in this tiny coffee shop, including me. But, why?
The lure of the coffee shop is so strong that now there’s an app for that. “Coffitivity.com” can help create the atmosphere of a coffee shop wherever you are – just add coffee and a laptop to the familiar buzzy noises! Is that the key to writing success?
My husband and I have a suburban up and down bungalow and my downstairs office gives me more than enough room for a long charcoal-coloured desk built from a length of kitchen countertop, two walls of bookcases, a large file cabinet and a seldom-used reading chair draped with a hand crocheted throw. Add coffee in a bright ceramic mug, turn on Coffitivity.com, and presto, my office is a coffee shop! But is it? Does an actual coffee shop give you some additional magic ingredient that a writer needs? And if so, what is it?
Perhaps the attraction of the coffee shop is just plain company. Writing can be a lonely pursuit, so why not do it cheek to jowl with others in pursuit of caffeine? Some attribute the lure to research – if you sit, sip and listen to people talking, you can get more real about writing dialogue. Though this feels a tiny bit invasive to me.
My productivity increases when I work to a deadline so giving myself a certain amount of time in a coffee shop or a caffeine limit works for me. But the convenient timing of mid-morning snack rolling into lunch can enable the guiltless reworking of a chapter or two.
At home, the commute from office up to my kitchen is not the same as walking to a counter. First off, I have to make the tea or coffee myself. While I am waiting for the beans to grind or the water to boil, I inevitably start wiping down the top of the stove with specialised cream cleaner. I can lose an hour just going for one coffee. In the coffee shop, all I have to do is order my coffee and someone calls me when it is ready!
There is something romantic, European even, about writing in a coffee shop. Ordering a French press or latte evokes a tiny café on the Champs Elysee faster than you can order the flight tickets over the internet. Adventure without leaving your neighbourhood!
Writers live in a world of their own making. I don’t leave my home in the morning by car, bus or rail so I don’t have “commute time” to read online blog sites on my tablet, listen to an audio book or peruse an article in a writing magazine. My daily commute is only a staircase long. Five minutes if I move slowly. When I descend to my office, it feels like going to work. I have an anxiety to produce plans for a course I’m going to teach, answer emails, research writing opportunities, cover large poster paper with mind maps in anticipation of my new book or post helpful hints on my Facebook author site.
But experience has taught me that anxiety to produce may result in work that is less creative. I need to take the time to refresh my ideas or to disengage my brain from “produce mode.” That is when I need to find a place and time to read all the things I would have read had I had a job that gave me “commute time.”
If my creative pipe has been plugged for too long, a “vacation” from my office may be the plunger needed to clear it and get the creative juices flowing. The coffee shop is the cheapest and fastest mini-retreat available. No guilt incurred if I run to the coffee shop for an hour or so with my writing magazines (some new ones and some I haven’t opened for the three months since publication), and happily spend the next hour highlighting, folding down the corners of pages I have to go back to and jotting down ideas in my notebook. By taking myself out of my office, the ideas come.
But in the end, though I love to write in coffee shops, the lure still eludes me. Does the pungent smell of burnt coffee beans in the air spark the creative urge? Is it the freedom to play hooky from the “work office,” or the luxury of knowing someone else will brew that perfect cup of energy booster for me? When I enter any coffee shop, do I re-live a long-ago morning when I sat and drank my brew near Haight Ashbury? Or subconsciously reminisce about a coffee shop I frequented in the City of London?
Is there a magic ingredient or is it simply a myth? Is it any of these things or none? Do I need to know? Or just get down to it in the coffee shop?


]]><![CDATA[Do book awards mean anything?]]>Fri, 18 Nov 2016 16:24:03 GMThttp://karenelee-author.com/karens-blog/do-book-awards-mean-anything​I found out yesterday that The Full Catastrophe won a Finalist medal in the USA Best Book Awards in the category of "Women's Issues."  This is the second such award that The Full Catastrophe has won - the other was in the Next Generation Indie Book Awards.  
There is some question as to whether book awards really mean anything - but if a jury of writers thinks that a book is worth reading in comparison to other books, then the award is meaningful. I am thrilled also that the category is Women's Issues as the whole issue of gender equality and women being treated with respect is front and centre at this time, perhaps partially in light of the recent election of someone in the States who has made bold public statements about women as objects, but also, here at home in Alberta, where female politicians are subject to harassment simply because they are women, where the wage gap between men and women is still too much and where women are murdered and injured by their partners.
If the awards The Full Catastrophe has received help in my quest to be another voice that says we need to address the issue of gender inequality in our country and that we need to uncover the effects of abuse and trauma in order to heal, then they are definitely valuable.

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